Death and Sadness

Yesterday I accidently discovered that someone who had been very dear to me had died eleven years earlier in 1999 and I did not know it. I also discovered that his ashes had been scattered at the foot of South Holston Dam. I am desolate and I am amazed at the intensity of my sadness. Someone who was once a big part of my life was gone. I had not seen him since 1976, but he called my parents out of the blue in late 1998. He wanted to see them and he wanted me to be there also. It was good seeing him, and I thought he was happy. He had not seemed to change that much. Now I wonder if he knew something that I did not know and that the phone call and visit were his goodbye. 

I am desolate because I do not know the circumstances of his death, but I do know that he left a young daughter and son behind. I cannot imagine growing up without a father. I know he loved them dearly and I'm sure that he was a wonderful father and would have made a wonderful grandfather! My heart breaks.

My thoughts on cremation and the scattering of ashes has changed due to this. I feel like I need to say goodbye to him and cannot. Yes, I know what is in your heart is always present and never dies, but I want that "place" to go to say goodbye and God speed. I will go to South Holston Lake and say goodbye, but I'm not sure that it will be the same. I want something I can touch.

A belated goodbye, my friend. Missie will miss you.