Saturday, May 15, 2010

Death and Sadness

Yesterday I accidently discovered that someone who had been very dear to me had died eleven years earlier in 1999 and I did not know it. I also discovered that his ashes had been scattered at the foot of South Holston Dam. I am desolate and I am amazed at the intensity of my sadness. Someone who was once a big part of my life was gone. I had not seen him since 1976, but he called my parents out of the blue in late 1998. He wanted to see them and he wanted me to be there also. It was good seeing him, and I thought he was happy. He had not seemed to change that much. Now I wonder if he knew something that I did not know and that the phone call and visit were his goodbye. 

I am desolate because I do not know the circumstances of his death, but I do know that he left a young daughter and son behind. I cannot imagine growing up without a father. I know he loved them dearly and I'm sure that he was a wonderful father and would have made a wonderful grandfather! My heart breaks.

My thoughts on cremation and the scattering of ashes has changed due to this. I feel like I need to say goodbye to him and cannot. Yes, I know what is in your heart is always present and never dies, but I want that "place" to go to say goodbye and God speed. I will go to South Holston Lake and say goodbye, but I'm not sure that it will be the same. I want something I can touch.

A belated goodbye, my friend. Missie will miss you.


  1. I am sorry about your friends death so many years ago. If you just found out it would still be as if his passing only happened yesterday. ((Hugs))

    As for the cremation, some of us feel that we don't want to rot in the earth but rather return to dust in a quicker way. Some of us also feel that it is less of a burden on your loved ones as the cost on cremation is much less than that of being buried.

    I totally understand the need of having a place to go and talk/visit with him. This is one thing I would not like, to be simply scattered somewhere. I prefer that some of my remains go into a special necklace and given to each of my daughters so they can keep me close to their heart or hang it up where ever they feel. The rest of my ashes should be placed with my husbands and together we would like to be buried at the root of an oak tree. We feel comfort in knowing that we are helping that mighty oak grow big and strong & friends/family can come visit the tree.

    We all have our different ways. What is yours?

  2. I'd like to be buried in an old family cemetery I believe. I will come to terms with this I know. Thanks for the kind words.

  3. I am sorry to hear of this loss. I truely understand that a big part of the hurt is having found out so much later...Maybe someday you can talk or write a letter to his children and let them know what it was that you felt was special about their dad:)